So it’s like this! I was meant to be interviewing Geoff Nelder but instead my questions have been answered by Dr. Antonio Menzies, the main character in the ARIA trilogy…..
I’ve been sent your questions to that reprobate author, Geoff Nelder, who is far too idle to answer them himself. I am Dr. Antonio Menzies PhD (HPV), DMS (liguria) and in between seducing rich patients I’m willing to pen some lurid but truthful answers on Nelder’s behalf.
How long has Geoff Nelder been writing?
Far too long. He scribbled jokes as a teen that were so awful they were picked for university rag mags. Eg When men smell it’s an accident. When women smell it’s a mystery.
What types of books does he write?
Nelder calls them science fiction but look at ESCAPING REALITY, that’s a humorous thriller. Oh, I forgot about that one, he says. Then HOT AIR is a serious thriller with a feisty female being shot down in a hot-air balloon. How can that work? It’s true that EXIT, PURSUED BY A BEE is pure science fiction baloney. Alien artefacts that had been buried for eons leave. Not at escape velocity but so slowly you could stroke them. They’ve been collecting time decoherences – heard of it? Nor me but they exist in a quantum sense. So when these spheres leave orbit, the Earth goes into spasms—argh. Nelder’s most famous—and then only in his street—for his ARIA Trilogy. It’s brilliant because I’m a main character in it. Allegedly, I go mad after being exposed to the antidote for an alien infectious amnesia bug. I know, infectious amnesia doesn’t exist, OR didn’t exist until Nelder invented it. Of all things to create: a bug that infects everyone such that they forget a year’s worth of memory, backwards, each week. You forget how to do your job, where you live, who you married! Eventually, how to read and speak. Pre-apocalyptic and post.
Can you tell me a bit about his latest book?
Nelder’s gone all historical fantasy in his latest novel. He holidayed in Malta, discovered my predecessors, Ottoman pirates, abducted the people of a whole island. Well, the spirits of those slaves are crying out for revenge aren’t they? Hence XAGHRA’S REVENGE is finished and looking for an unwise publisher to take it on.
Does Geoff Nelder have to do any research?
Don’t mention research! He’s obsessed by getting stuff right. He has to name streets, towns and rivers in the right places. I blame it on him being a geography teacher for 100 years. In ARIA he read every damn book on the brain, amnesia, Alzheimer’s, you name it. No don’t. So into research he emailed an astronaut, Leroy Chaio, for data on the struts of the International Space Station and get this, Leroy replied while he was in orbit!
Where does Geoff Nelder get his ideas from?
He steals his ideas from me. No question. Nelder says he oxygenates his brain while on his long cycling tours but I’ve no doubt at all that he sneaks a peek at my prescription pad and little black book for his ideas.
How long on average does it take him to write each book?
I was in a pub the other evening and overheard a nerd bookreader say, “I read Geoff Nelder’s ARIA: LEFT LUGGAGE in just a weekend.” What? I happen to know that poor old Nelder spent two years writing that first book in his ARIA trilogy. Granted much of that was in research and another half a year going through his critique group in the British Science Fiction Association, but even so, TWO YEARS to write a book is ridiculous.
What is Nelder working on now?
You mean what is he cribbing off me? Shorts. He’s writing shorts as if they are worth reading. He’s written over 100 of them, 84 have been published including 7 this year. Against my advice he’s plotting a sequel to XAGHRA’S REVENGE.
Does he have a favourite place to write?
As an idiot researcher Nelder likes to write his stories in their setting. Hence if a scene is in Paris, that’s where you’ll find him, sat at an outside café table swimming in the language, atmosphere and booze. I encourage this, especially with his science fiction. Go to the Moon I tell him. Often.
What would Geoff Nelder’s reaction be if a character from one of his books came to life and turned up on his doorstep?
You’re kidding, right? I am here you know.
Where does Nelder see himself in five years time?
Never mind him. He’s a boring writer, whereas I’ll be having two or more synchronous affairs with gorgeous women patients all eager to please me to have their cosmetic ops done for half price. Luxury.
Hello, Geoff Nelder has spotted me writing these responses, I’ll get them to you and delete this document before he can stop me. While I’m at it I’ll delete some of his projects. Hah, there was one where he used me to promote his ARIA: LEFT LUGGAGE. There, gone.
For those who are bothered all Geoff Nelder’s books are in his Amazon Authors page at
UK Amazon author page http://www.amazon.co.uk/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY
And for US readers http://www.amazon.com/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY
Geoff facebooks at http://www.facebook.com/AriaTrilogy and tweets at @geoffnelder
About Geoff Nelder
Geoff Nelder is a professional liar, badass editor, and fiction competition judge. He was awarded Fellow of the Royal Meteorological Society for his research into air pollution and microclimates. He taught Geography and IT to the ungrateful alive but escaped to write.
His publications include science fiction novels Exit, Pursued by Bee and the ARIA trilogy; and thrillers: Escaping Reality, and Hot Air. Many of his short stories have found homes in mags such as The Horror Zine, Ether Books, eFiction, Encounters, Jimston Journal, Delivered, Screaming Dreams and many anthologies such as Monk Punk, Science Fiction Writers’ Sampler and Zombified.