Guest Post by Angelena Boden ~ @matadorbooks

It is a real privilege to have Angelena Boden visiting my blog today and brightening it up as always.  Angelena’s new novel, ‘Love Bytes Back’, the second book in the Edna Reid Investigates series, was published as an eBook on the 14th February 2020 by Troubador Publishing and it sounds like a cracker of a read.  This lady really deserves to do well.

Angelena has written a very personal and truly beautiful post for my blog which I hope you enjoy reading as much as I did.

 

FINDING LOVE AT SIXTY

In the years following a protracted and intensely painful divorce in the late 90s, I lost all sense of self-worth and vowed to give men a wide-berth. Still smarting from being robbed of trust and money, I wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship, and couldn’t imagine that changing.

As my two daughters grew and became independent, finally leaving the nest for university and high-powered jobs, I felt an increasing sense of isolation and loneliness. The house echoed with silence and I slid into a depression, preferring to soothe myself with junk food and sleep rather than make an effort to get out there and meet people.

As the months crawled towards my sixtieth birthday, I ended up at the doctor’s surgery, shaking and in flood of tears. She suggested various local groups as a way of breaking the deadlock of my empty weekends. A friend, who was a member of an online dating site regaled me with her experiences, some of which made me laugh while others filled me with horror.

I couldn’t imagine being so bold but with nothing to lose, I scrolled through some dating sites and liked the look of one that was for the over sixties. There were no calls to download an App or “swipe right” so I registered my details and paid for a trial month with no obligation. From there, I was hurled into a world of loonies, losers, fantasists and desperados. Some had clearly faked their profiles, others got down to business and asked me for money. So much for a troll-free site.

When I received a “nudge” from Ken, whose interests matched mine I felt hopeful. We chatted for hours and seemed to share similar interests- rambling in the countryside, art, and books. That was until I met him in a sixteenth century pub, complete with oak beams and a roaring fire.

I looked cautiously round to see if I could identify him and was about to approach a smartly dressed man with a signet ring on his little finger, when a man with a beer belly hanging over his trousers bellowed out my name and grinned when I turned round. He reeked of smoke. To be polite I ordered a coffee, exchanged pleasantries with him and wished him well before hot-footing it to the exit.

My daughter was worried about my online safety because of the increase in scammers, but also my physical safety. When I did venture out on another date, I had to inform her of my whereabouts (talk about tables turning), take my own car, park in a well- lit place and have my phone fully charged. In the end it was all too much effort so I gave it up and accepted the reality that relationships held none of the promise of those at thirty or younger. The men who strayed across my path were on the prowl for younger women or wanted a clone of their deceased wife. This was my experience and maybe not typical.

They say when you stop looking, love will find you and I can vouch for that. I was working away when I received a text from an old family friend. I’d known him for thirty years but we’d lost touch. He was letting me know that his long term partner had died. We agreed to meet up and walked miles through the Shropshire countryside, catching up on the lost years. Our friendship was filled with lots of laughter, surprises, and conversation. It was easy, fun and safe.

We married five years ago but agreed to live independently during the week and meet up at weekends. Semi-detached living isn’t for everyone but for it’s a good option when you’re older and set in your ways. It also keeps the stars twinkling!

 

Book Blurb

When lonely widow Kitty Merriweather moves to Derbyshire’s Hope Valley, she joins the Silver Rose online dating site because it offers a safe place for the over sixties to find romance.

There, she meets the enigmatic Harvey, a scientist working on a conservation project in Bali who promises her “hot days and stormy nights.”

Love blooms quickly but Kitty breaks all the rules laid down by the agency, putting herself at risk. When little things don’t add up she dismisses them as being unimportant. Nothing matters more than her plans for them to live happily ever after.

When she confides in her new friend, Edna Reid, octogenarian and former café owner, Kitty gets angry at Edna’s implication she is likely the victim of a scam.

The more Edna hears about Harvey, the more she is convinced he’s only interested in Kitty for her money.

Using her knowledge of computers Edna finally uncovers the truth, but where does black magic and murder fit into this intriguing cosy mystery?

 

About Angelena Boden

Angelena has spent thirty- five years as an international training consultant and counsellor, specialising in behavioural management, communication skills and conflict resolution. She has a Masters in Social Science from Birmingham University, and diplomas in Transactional Analysis, teaching, training, coaching and mentoring. Now retired, when Angelina is not dog walking, babysitting, landscape painting or reading astrology charts for clients, she writes the “Edna Reid Investigates” series of cosy crime novels, which are set in the Peak District. She is also a champion for Autumn Voices, a website dedicated to promoting creative pursuits of authors over 60.

 

Links

‘Love Bytes Back’ is available to purchase from Amazon UK – https://amzn.to/2VZZPt0

Website – https://www.angelenaboden.com/

 

Guest Post by Angelena Boden ~ @matadorbooks

I am delighted to welcome the lovely Angelena Boden back to my blog.  Her latest book, ‘Edna’s Death Cafe’ was published last September as an eBook by Matador and it has been getting quite a few good reviews.

Angelena has written a post about the fear of dying for my blog.  There is also the chance to win copies of the book.  First though, lets take a look at what ‘Edna’s Death Cafe’ is about.

 

Book Blurb

As in life, death is not without its agenda. This is something seventy-nine year old Edna Reid finds out when her partner, Ted, suddenly dies.

To cope with her loss, she sets up a Death Cafe to break down the taboo around death and to encourage other members of the community to discuss it openly. Over tea and cake, the participants hide their fears behind a veil of dark humour.

Religious fanaticism clashes with Victorian spiritualism as Edna’s meetings trigger lively conversations on the fragility of life, anxiety over dying, cost of funerals, and making sure long-lost greedy relatives don’t benefit from inheritances.

Soon, a series of events begin to unfold which threaten to undermine Edna’s livelihood and the Death Cafe meetings. These events just happen to coincide with the arrival of a mysterious stranger into the village.

Who is she and why is she so hostile to Edna?

~~~~~

‘Edna’s Death Cafe’ is available to buy from Amazon UK:-

https://amzn.to/2Q046aN

 

Guest Post

THANATOPHOBIA – The Fear of Dying

Death isn’t something we like to talk about. If it pops up in conversation we suddenly find the floor covering very interesting. In researching for my new book, Edna’s Death Cafe,   I talked to many people about how they feel about death, particularly their own, and the response was the same – they didn’t want to think about it because it made them feel anxious. I can relate to that as I suffered for a long time with a similar affliction which verged on panic, usually in the early hours of the morning.

I would spring out of bed, grabbing my throat, unable to swallow or breathe. Breathing into a paper bag or my cupped hands helped to calm the nervous system enough to make a cup of tea and put things back into proportion.

Now in my sixties I’ve experienced many losses as you would expect.  When my father died a few years ago, I realised on a very conscious level that I would be next in line (according to the natural order of things). It’s a sobering thought.

I became obsessed with everything to do with the dying process, funerals, body disposal and the age old question of whether consciousness really continues. I read voraciously the stories of near death experiences, the works of doctors such as Pym Van Lommel and Raymond Moody. My mind was having great difficulty in accepting that death was the end – hence the anxiety. I no longer had control over my life at that point.

For two years it made living in the moment impossible.  Every waking thought was controlled by the ‘horror’ that one day I was going to be no more – such is the power of the ego. I thought I was going crazy but death anxiety is very, real and very common.

In trying to avoid my own premature death I took ridiculous precautions.  Germs were monsters and my hands became raw from scrubbing them clean. I feared leaving the house in case a bus happened to mount the pavement and squash me. Everything I did had to be risk assessed until I found myself sobbing in front of my doctor. Fortunately she was understanding and suggested something to calm me down as well as a grief counsellor who was trained in this field.

My condition was exacerbated by the fact I had post- traumatic stress syndrome which, despite therapy, was recurring especially when under stress. Death of a loved one is the number one stressor so my thought processes were understandable.

As well as these excellent therapies which help sort out the muddle between the rational and irrational I discovered my own path through the nightmare.

I trained as a funeral celebrant which put me in contact with the fundamentals of the dying process and of course with grieving relatives. I had to be the strong one and keep things together for the families. My work desensitised me to the fear of dying but strengthened my new belief that you can die well following a fulfilling life. Being at a burial site or in a crematorium for the final goodbye is a privilege but also provides a form of exposure therapy. It’s the fear of the unknown that gives the demons something to play with.

Writing about those things that make us anxious can be healing. My novel, inspired by the international death café movement provided succour and support. Through the main character Edna, an octogenarian who sets a good example of how to celebrate life we learn how we can talk about this last taboo. I think we need to name it properly: – death, dying and dead as opposed to the many euphemisms we use to lessen the impact of the reality.

We might not wear black or cover the clocks and mirrors as the Victorians did or have a religious belief – many funerals result in natural burials in woodlands – but we need to allow ourselves to mourn and not stiffen the upper lip or maintain a dry eye when someone kindly asks us how we are doing.

The only way to get through grief is through that painful, but necessary act of grieving, in our own time and at our own pace. We need to allow ourselves to feel the tidal wave of emotions knowing that we won’t drown. Grief doesn’t mean neglecting everything and everyone or shutting ourselves away in a darkened room. It means nurturing yourself with good food, fresh air, walks in nature and slowing down to appreciate that we’ve been lucky to be given this opportunity to experience life in all its glory.

The best things we can do for ourselves when faced with crippling anxiety over our eventual demise is to learn to relax. Yoga, gentle exercise, breathing exercises, meditation all help. When things get overwhelming, you can focus on counting backwards or reciting a bit of poetry – whatever will distract your mind from the mental pain.

So if you can relate to any of these feelings, don’t despair. You are normal and it will get easier.  ‘Sometimes a bit of humour can really help too. This is what Mark Twain had to say,   ‘I do not fear death: I had been dead for billions of years before I was born and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.’

 

Competition

Angelena is giving away 4 eBook copies of ‘Edna’s Death Cafe’.  2 lucky winners will receive their book via Amazon UK and 2 will receive an iBooks code.  To enter just leave a comment and let me know how you would prefer to receive your book.

 

Terms and Conditions

This competition is open to UK residents only.

The closing date is 11:59 p.m. on the 31st March 2019.

Winners will be randomly chosen within 7 days of the closing date and their email addresses will be sent to Angelena Boden.

 

About Angelena Boden

Angelena Boden has spent thirty-five years as an international training consultant, specialising in behavioural management and conflict resolution. She trained in Transactional Analysis, the psychology of communication and behaviour, her preferred tool for counselling and coaching.

She originates from the Peak District which is where her new book is set. Angelena has spent a life time travelling and living in places as far apart as Vancouver, Dubai, Paris, Seville and Iran. Now semi-retired in Worcestershire, she writes every morning, walks the hills and paints landscapes, fitting family and reading in between.

Angelena is writing stories for her new grandson about a little dachshund called Digger who is a very special sort of detective!

She is the author of two traditionally published novels and many articles and blogs.

Her most recent novel, Edna’s Death Cafe is published as an e-book by Matador. A new Edna Investigates will be available for Christmas 2019.

Angelena is keen to meet readers, old and new, and is available for book talks, events, and always chatting over a cuppa (within 60 miles of Worcester).

 

Links

Website – http://angelenaboden.com/

 

Guest Post by Angelena Boden

I am delighted to welcome the lovely Angelena Boden back to my blog.  Her latest novel, ‘The Future Can’t Wait’ was published last November in paperback and as an eBook by Urbane Publications.  Angelena has written a very interesting guest post about finding balance in her writing life.  I hope you enjoy reading it.

 

Finding balance in my writing life 

When I semi-retired from my training consultancy three years ago, it was with the intention of writing a novel. I made the decision to, partly fulfil a long held ambition like many writers, but also to keep a promise to my English teacher who wrote on my school report, Angelena writes graphically about the dark side of human nature. She’d make a good novelist. I was about to sit my O’ Levels at the time. It was 1972.

I enjoyed the writing process so much that I carried on and published a second book, The Future Can’t Wait with the forward thinking Urbane Publications.  What has given me the most pleasure is the number of online associates I’ve made.

Even though I’m fortunate to have the resources and support to write full time and indulge my hobbies, take courses and travel, I’m choosing to leave my self-imposed isolation and re-join society. Not only do I need the stimulation of other people for my mental health, I am thirsty for a stream of fresh perspectives that, as a character writer, come from observing the behaviour of others first hand.  I’ve been asked if my career as an author is now over. That would be like asking if I’m giving up tea.  Unthinkable.

This year will see me organising a new but limited schedule of workshops and coaching sessions for people who are going through major life transitions and need help in making sense of them. As a transpersonal coach with a professional background in psychology and training, I work with people to harness their Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and Spiritual Intelligence (SQ) so as to tap into the deeper meanings in their lives.

This helps to widen perspectives on issues which block progress.   I’ve already had a company express interest in adding a spiritual dimension to their training programme so it could be a big thing in years to come.

Being out and about will mean greater opportunities to reach potential new readers for my books. It’s when people get to know authors on a face to face basis that they build up a relationship and want to buy a book or two. My hairdresser, a couple I met in the park, my dentist, a few dog walkers have all downloaded my novels because of a casual conversation about what I do. No hard sell. I’m uncomfortable with pushing my work in people’s faces whether in person or online so being able to chat about stuff on great blogs like yours is an ideal platform for me.

I shall continue to offer lots of free downloads as in my new Little Book Series which can be found on my website. These are condensed observations (about 6,000 words) about popular topics.  I am sure my blogging content will grow once I am back out there as I tend to be a prolific writer who loves to give back to those kind  people who support me.

I’ve enjoyed my three years in my writing room, walking in the Malvern Hills where I live and setting my own pace after the years of frenetic travel. My training and experience assures me that when we reach sixty, we reassess life on the approach to the final lap of our journey. It’s a salutary thought. We undergo some major internal transformations in identity which can cause upset and confusion so it’s natural to want to cling to the past.  My goal is to help people manage these transitions through coaching and writing.

On a final note, I’m editing my third book, which is set in my home town in Derbyshire. The lead character, Edna Reid, ponders the meaning of life and death and decides to set up a safe space in her café for the locals to talk about their feelings and fears. It’s not at all morbid!

My editor described it as a “humourous, thought-provoking and moving account of a strong, elderly woman’s struggle to make peace with grief and mortality”.

Thank you Sonya for hosting this post and to everyone who supports my work. You give me the encouragement to keep going. We all need that from time to time.

 

About Angelena Boden

Angelena Boden (M.Soc.Sc PGDE) has spent thirty-five years as an international training consultant, specialising in behavioural management and conflict resolution. She trained in Transactional Analysis, the psychology of communication and behaviour, her preferred tool for counselling and coaching.

She is the author of The Cruelty of Lambs, a novel about psychological domestic abuse.

Her new book, The Future Can’t Wait tackles the issue of mother-daughter estrangement and addiction to psychics.

Both books are published by Urbane Publications.

 

Links

‘The Cruelty of Lambs’ can be purchased from Amazon UK – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cruelty-Lambs-Angelena-Boden/dp/191112966X

 ‘The Future Can’t Wait’ can be purchased from Amazon UK – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Future-Cant-Wait-Angelena-Boden/dp/191158314X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499170184&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Future+Can%27t+Wait

Website: angelenaboden.com

Twitter: @angelenaboden

Angelena Boden can be contacted by email at bodenangelena@gmail.com

 

Interview with Angelena Boden

It’s time now to meet another Urbane author.  Angelena Boden’s debut novel, ‘The Cruelty of Lambs’ was published last year and is doing very well indeed.  I have interviewed Angelena for this event.

 

Firstly, can you tell me a bit about ‘The Cruelty of Lambs’?

The Cruelty of Lambs is my debut novel which I wrote in my 60th year. It’s a psychological thriller which tracks the insidious emotional abuse by Una Carrington, a ruthless business woman, towards her gentle cellist husband who lost his teaching post due to allegations of sexual harassment in a girls’ school. Iain falls into a dark place and as his mind deteriorates it becomes a challenge to work out who is the abuser and who is the perpetrator. It is when his precious cello goes missing that his fellow string player and best friend get involved knowing that its recovery is Iain’s only hope of redemption.

The book has been described as one of the most challenging books some readers have ever read. Compelling, gripping and a deep insight into the minds of abusers and the impact on their victims.

 

What made you decide to write it?

I am a survivor of coercive control and emotional abuse which lasted for 20 years. At first you don’t realise what’s happening, a bit like Helen in the Archer’s story line, then it becomes your norm. I was going to write my story as a memoir but even after 15 years it is too painful as I have post-traumatic stress disorder. I wanted to show that such abuse is insidious and is not gender specific. I also wanted the police to treat it as seriously as they do domestic violence. This is violence of the mind. I am glad to see that the law changed in 2015/16 to incorporate this type of abuse.

 

Where did you get your ideas from for this book?

All personal experience.

 

Did you have to do any research and if so, what did it entail?

I have spent over 30 years training, advising and counselling people to deal with conflict and difficult behaviours so everything was at my fingertips. The book was written from the heart as much as anything else.

 

How long did it take you to write?

It’s interesting as the first draft just flowed so it took about 3 months to get it down. Then the hard work began. I let it ‘rest’ and came back to it a month later. All in all it took 5 drafts and about a year to complete to my satisfaction. You can always keep fiddling with bits but I think there comes a point when you have to run with it. I was pleased to find Urbane Publications as Matthew is a great supporter of people who want to write their story. He doesn’t want it adapted or changed solely to suit a market place.

 

Is domestic abuse something you wanted to make more people aware of?

I think violence towards women is something we are more aware of but abuse and violence towards men is something that is coming more into the news. Emotional abuse, manipulation, gas lighting (designed to make you think you are the one who’s crazy) and coercive control needs to be taken more seriously by the authorities. I would like to think The Cruelty of Lambs helps people to recognise it and take action. It’s a pity poor Iain hadn’t read it!

 

Can you relate to any of your characters?

I suppose I am a mix of Iain and Una. I ran a successful business and my ex-husband lost his through his bad attitude towards customers. He was what we call passive-aggressive. Blame flew from all sides but it was he who abused me. I must say this though:- it is often very difficult to define cause and effect. The dynamics become so muddled. I found that I had to take harsh measures to protect me and my children as I was losing my sanity towards the end. I no longer knew who I was and that is the aim:- to break your spirit.

 

What are you working on now?

I have just finished the final edit of my new book, The Future Can’t Wait. It’s a mother and daughter drama in a cocktail of addiction, obsession, against a background of extremism.

 

Have you got any pearls of wisdom for anyone wanting to pen their first novel?

Just do it! I am very disciplined as I’ve run my own consultancy so I am motivated by deadlines. I don’t plan any of my books as I allow my characters to take me on their journey and it’s such fun. Some people like to plan it out in detail but I think that can be a bit stifling. Set aside an hour a day if you can’t spare anymore and just write that first chapter. Don’t edit or stress over it. Write the second chapter and when you’ve finished, let it rest. This is not a glamorous career and it might not make you a penny so there needs to be a real impetus to write.

 

How long have you been a professional life coach and training consultant for and is it interesting?

Coming up to 35 years. I have some fantastic contracts. I did all the staff training for Cadbury World in Birmingham which is why Bournville gets a mention in Cruelty. I trained staff to meet and greet Olympic visitors in Atlanta and Sydney and the Welsh Ryder Cup. I worked in Belfast for 3 years on a peace contract post the Good Friday agreement but my claim to fame was the training of night club door staff in Birmingham in the 80’s. The press went crazy for the story and called it Angie’s Charm School. It even got in the Sunday Times colour supplement.

 

What do you like to do in your spare time?

I’ve started to paint landscapes even though I was a remedial at school and living in Malvern means I do a lot of hill walking. My passion is languages (I speak 4 plus English) and travelling. I’m interested in cultural astrology and astronomy and how they link with the cycles of history.

 

If you were only allowed three books what would they be?

Gosh. I’ve often wondered how I would ask the question on Desert Island discs but at least you are giving me a choice of 3! ‘

• What would Aristotle Say? Self control through the power of reasoning by Dr.Elliot Cohen.
• Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
• A Shropshire Lad, a poetry collection by Alfred Housman.

 

Links

‘The Cruelty of Lambs’ is available to buy from:-

Urbane Publications – http://urbanepublications.com/books/the-cruelty-of-lambs/

Amazon UK – http://amzn.to/2mnSJNv

Angelena Boden’s website – http://www.angelenaboden.com/